Sohma Theater: A Western Tale
by UnspokenDreams
Summary: In an attempt to bring the Sohmas closer together, Ayame organizes a play. What the snake doesn’t realize is that Hatori isn’t exactly a cowboy, Tohru’s never passionately kissed anyone, and what’s this of Yuki and Kyou fighting to the death?
1. Casting Call

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Fruits Basket characters, mmkay?

**Warning(s): **Light romance, but nothing too severe at all. You just also might die laughing as well.

**Summary: **In an attempt to bring the Sohmas closer together Ayame organizes a play. What the snake doesn't realize is that Hatori isn't exactly a cowboy, Tohru's never passionately kissed anyone, and what's this of Yuki and Kyou fighting to the death? Read along and join in the madness!

"**Sohma Theater: A Western Tale"**

**Chapter One: Casting Call**

_Written by UnspokenDreams_

"If you would all gladly center your attention on me for a moment's time please!" a bright voice requested as the conversation in the room grew dim and soon melted to complete silence. All eyes focused on a silver-haired man who stood in the very center of the room, dressed in quite an ensemble. His usual elegant attire had been replaced by that of a famous film director's clothing. His hair had been tied up into a single ponytail, his amber eyes hidden behind the frames of dark sunglasses. Despite this the man smiled genuinely as if he'd just inherited an unreasonable amount of money. "Now then," he paused to clear his throat, "as you all can plainly see I've taken the liberty of gathering you all here. Naturally there were only but a few in whom I couldn't get to come, however, I assure you for the most part that they weren't as of great value. Before I begin are there any comments or concerns that I should be aware of?"

Almost immediately a reply was shouted amongst the small crowd. "Yeah! I got somethin' to say! Why the hell do I have to be here?"

"Now, now Kyon-kichi. Such immoral behavior will not be accepted. Your attendance was just as mandatory as anyone in this very room," Ayame replied matter-of-factly as he waved a slender finger in the cat's direction. Whilst Kyou silently seethed at the response, the snake continued. "Upon walking the grounds of the Main House just the other day I was ill-fated enough to overhear a hushed chitchat being exchanged by the local servants. It's been clearly said that we, the Sohma family, share many an issue! Yes my cousins, yes. I too was just as shocked as you might presently be. Oh dear, oh dear…" The flamboyant male placed a hand over his eyes in over-expressed drama. "As expected I immediately pressed forward to address this revolting rumor. Seeing as the summer's just begun and the majority of us all have had precious rare time on our hands I've managed to put together a small solution to our quandary."

"What is it, Nii-san?" Yuki asked from his current position, violet orbs focused on his older sibling in an unusual curiosity.

"Ah, Yuki, your undying inquisitiveness strikes me! However, to answer my dear younger brother's query, we the Sohma family will be embarking on a marvelous journey to strengthen our bond as never before. My dear relations we will be on our way to stardom!" And as to emphasize his previous statement Ayame stretched his arms as far as they would go as if reaching for an unseen force.

"'Stardom'?" Hatori repeated as he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes Tori-san, stardom!"

"And just what do you mean by that?" A small boy asked as he crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Ayame with narrowed brown eyes.

"Hiro-chan be nice," A girl beside him whispered as she placed a hand onto one of his.

Not at all shot down by Hiro's arrogance Ayame turned on the pack momentarily to gather a few pieces of paper he'd brought along with him. "I was hoping you would ask. Hear hear! A sample of my brilliance: Annabelle, a young distressed saloon girl, hopes for a productive future with a loving husband and children. Unfortunately she's terribly abused by her fiancé, Blazing Bill, the cruelest man in the West. Not only does he beat her, but he also sells her innocence for money. The only two things the man loves are his money and his alcohol. Jonathon, blessed with a gorgeous voice, sings at the saloon to earn his living. He's also Annabelle's only brother. Sadly he's unaware of his sister's severe beatings. Cindy, the eldest and smartest of the bar prostitutes, also Annabelle's best friend, tries to help the young woman achieve her dreams of escaping her violent betrothed. Her wish is granted when Tex, a lone cowboy and lover of the west, rolls into town with the freshest of tumbleweeds…"

There appeared to be a severe epidemic of twitching as Ayame continued to read. Once the snake was finished Shigure began to clap, which forced everyone else too, as Ayame bowed repeatedly. "Marvelous Aya, simply marvelous! This may be your finest work ever," The novelist commented as the snake's eyes widened.

"Really? You think so? Oh Gure-san! You spoil me!"

"ENOUGH!" Kyou shouted, which caused almost every eye to divert to him, "this is stupid! I promised myself I wouldn't be involved in any more stupid plays and I plan on keeping it that way!"

"Why, but Kyon-kichi! I had planned for you to receive a major role," Ayame replied as he rested a slender index finger about his cheek.

"I don't care what you planned! I ain't joinin'!"

"Hmmm. So I see. Ah, well, I'll just have to grant the role to my dear younger brother, Yu-"

"WAIT JUST A DAMN SECOND!"

Ayame grinned and glanced back over to the orange neko, "Yeees?"

"You're not giving my part away to that damn rat!" Kyou huffed as his anger-coated eyes briefly glanced at Yuki, who'd looked away in displeasure.

"So then it's settled! Do not fear Kyon-kichi for your acting shall soar on the wings of my creativity!"

Just as Kyou opened his mouth to protest another voice interrupted him. "This sounds exciting. Will I get to play the leading female role?"

Turning away from Kyou Ayame spotted Kagura; her eyes sparkling as she'd asked her previous question. "I'm afraid not, nevertheless, you're part is just as important. The leading role of Annabelle will be granted to none other then Honda Tohru!"

The piercing sound of a glass breaking echoed above Ayame's preceding statement as if foreshadowing a horrid happening. Cheeks painted red as she bent down to clean the glass she'd dropped in shock to the snake's announcement, Tohru spoke in a trembling voice. "Oh n-no! I couldn't be in your play Ayame-san. I'd just get in the way and I certainly don't deserve such an important role…"

"Nonsense, my dear!" Ayame stated triumphantly as he removed his sunglasses and strode over to the shaken onigiri. He took her hands within his own, gazing at her with delicate eyes of amber. "Please, Tohru, say that you'll allow me to cast you into my play. It would mean the world to me and I'd be eternally grateful towards the matter."

Tohru bit her lower lip as it trembled in response to the snake's words of warmth. How could she possibly decline now after he'd practically spilt his heart to her? A smile upturned her lips as she slightly nodded and replied in a quiet voice, "I'll do it."

"Splendid! Well, I suppose since I've revealed Tohru's role I should go ahead and reveal our leading male role," Ayame exclaimed as he released Tohru's hands from his, leaving the poor girl blushing, and fled to fetch the script he'd brought with him. Whilst the ostentatious man gathered a few things within his hands he felt a small tug at the back of his shirt and turned to find a large pair of brown eyes gazing at him.

"Will Hiro-chan and I have parts too?" Kisa asked timidly though smiled when Ayame grazed his hand over the top of her head.

"But of course! Now then," The serpent began and retook his position in the center of the room, "as previously stated Tohru-kun will play our leading female role. Our starring male role, however…"

Kyou and Yuki eagerly listened as the silver-haired being trailed off. Taking a step forward the duo awaited the results.

"Our starring male role," continued Ayame "will be granted to the ever handsome Tori-san!"

Whilst Yuki and Kyou silently fumed in jealously Hatori's olive optics had slightly widened. At first the dragon had thought that Ayame was merely going about with his usual antics, however, it wasn't until that point that Hatori believed the snake was actually serious. Shigure gave the tall man a pat on the back. "You're a lucky man Haa-san!"

"I'm honored Ayame, nevertheless, I'll have to politely decline. I'm afraid acting has never been one of my most credible talents," Hatori replied in a voice of monotone.

"I refuse to believe such! After all was it not you who starred in our high school attempt of _Romeo and Juliet_?" Ayame countered with a grin as all eyes drew in to rest on the doctor who grew uncomfortably silent.

"Yes, well, that's in the past. Also if I recall correctly it was you who demanded that I audition by word of the student council."

"Ah, but you did make a stunning Romeo."

Sighing at knowing he was in a loosing battle Hatori lightly massaged his throbbing temples. "Well I think he'll make a great cowboy! I mean Tori-chan already looks slightly western," Kagura added and gave the dragon a hug.

"Precisely my point Kagura-chan. Perhaps an experiment is required? Tori-san if you could be so kind as to quote something for me?" Ayame inquired as Hatori's gaze slowly lifted from his lap to befall upon the snake. Ayame cleared his throat before continuing. "Repeat after moi. 'Ain't nothin'!"

Hatori didn't know what to be more disturbed about; the fact that Ayame's previous grammar was wretched, or that the snake had attempted a stereotypical western accent. Nevertheless the doctor obeyed though corrected the grammatically challenged words. "It isn't anything…"

Ayame chuckled lightly, "Well, it's apparent that we have a lot of work to do."

XXxX

The late afternoon soon melted in the early evening hours and soon the music of summer cicadas littered the atmosphere. Shigure had seen to Kisa and Hiro's venture home to the Main House whilst Tohru had began cooking dinner for the guests that had remained consisting of only Ayame and Hatori. Currently they all sat around the table, each lost to his or her own conversation.

"I propose that we immediately start rehearsing tomorrow!" Ayame suggested to the table's inhabitants.

"You still never told anyone else their parts Nii-san," Yuki said softly as he spooned a strand of his thin hair behind his ear.

"Not to worry my dearest younger brother for all is to be revealed soon enough. However, it is my fondest wish that Tohru-kun and Tori-san are ready for their big _scene_," Ayame replied as his voice melted into a silken purr.

Whilst Tohru blushed and quietly continued eating, Hatori smothered a snort as his gaze came to rest against his cousin. "Might I ask what you mean by that?"

Shigure was overcome by a series of giggles, seeing as the snake had shared his ever-amazing idea with him earlier, and was forced to turn away from the table to continue his hyena-like laughter. His eyes seeming to flash Ayame stroked his pale cheek with the tips of his manicured fingernails. "What's a play without the most cliché form of endearment?"

Whilst Yuki and Kyou, who hadn't said a word, exchanged confused glances and Shigure continued to laugh, Hatori and Tohru became slightly confused. Despite this Hatori merely brushed the thought off and began to drink the remnants of his tea. Tohru, being the curious girl she was, asked for further explanation. "I don't understand, Ayame-san. What do you mean?"

Ayame gave his trademark laugh as he and Shigure exploded in unison, "A kiss!"

After hearing such Hatori began to cough on the tea he'd been previously swallowing, though he managed to turn his face into his shoulder, the sounds swallowed by the fabric of his suit vest.

"WHAT!" Both Yuki and Kyou shouted, each standing and slamming their palms flat against the table.

Tohru, who'd felt a pang of dizziness strike her, merely swayed uneasily in her seated position, eyes wide and cheeks burning with a blush.

**-To Be Continued-**

**Author's Note: **XD Oh. My. Akito! What's this? G-chan returning from her one million year hiatus? That's right! I apologize for my absence everyone. School has recently started up and I'm in several advanced placement courses this year as so my time on the computer is limited. I'll be updating some things as well including my fanfic "The Dragon's Flame" so keep an eye out for that if you've read it. X3 Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Sohma Theater! XDDD You think this is nuts? Just wait until later chapters… -evil laugh-


	2. Mixed Feelings

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Fruits Basket characters, mmkay?

**Warning(s):** Light romance, but nothing too severe at all. You just also might die laughing as well.

**Summary:** In an attempt to bring the Sohmas closer together Ayame organizes a play. What the snake doesn't realize is that Hatori isn't exactly a cowboy, Tohru's never passionately kissed anyone, and what's this of Yuki and Kyou fighting to the death? Read along and join in the madness!

"**Sohma Theater: A Western Tale" **

**Chapter Two: Mixed Feelings **

_Written by UnspokenDreams _

No matter how hard she tried Honda Tohru could not focus on her schoolwork that morning. Mayuko-sensei had been kind enough to ask the teen if she needed to go to the nurse, but Tohru immediately waved her hands in front of her and smiled. "I'm just fine! Don't worry about me!" She'd said; which caused her teacher to shrug and go about her teacher-related things. _If I keep this up everyone will worry over me_, Tohru thought with a deep sigh, _I need to stay focused_! With a nod of determination the onigiri grasped her _Mogeta_ pencil tightly and returned to the land of academics. However, as soon as she'd begun to write Shigure and Ayame's haunting words _kissed_ her ears once more.

"_A kiss!"_

Tohru felt her cheeks burn, her fingers releasing the pencil and masking her reddening face. How was she supposed to kiss Hatori when she'd never kissed anyone to begin with?! Well, she had kissed her mother, but that was different! One cannot compare kissing their mother's cheek to kissing a man's lips! It didn't exactly help the matter that Hatori was insanely attractive as it was. Would there be any consequences? Would her memory be erased by the kiss?!

"Hey, are you okay?"

"KYAH!" Tohru shouted in surprise at the unexpected voice that had called out to her. The girl clutched at her chest, trying to calm her racing heart, and looked up to gaze within the eyes of Kyou. "Ky-Kyou-kun! Ah, yes! I'm fine!" She was quick to reply as she smoothed out her uniform top, seeing as she'd creased the material in a vice-like grasp, and smiled cheerfully at the neko.

Kyou cocked an eyebrow. Let's see… 'Ah, yes, I'm fine' in Tohru language translated into: 'Ah, there's something wrong, and it's bothering me!' The orange-top shook his head. When would she ever learn? "Alright, spill it. Obviously there's somethin' up, and I wanna know what it is."

"Eh? N-nothing's up! Really! I guess I'm just a little tired!" Tohru responded, as her cheeks seemed to glow a deeper red.

Once again Kyou applied her words into the 'Tohru-to-Kyou' translator that was embedded into his brain. 'Eh? There is something wrong! Really! It's been keeping me awake!' The question was what exactly it was that was plaguing Tohru. Ah, well, it was best if he at least tried to decipher the meaning of her strange behavior. "Is your job gettin' to you again?" he guessed randomly.

Tohru shook her head and blinked blankly. "No."

"Ummm, did you eat something to make your stomach upset?"

"No."

"Are you uncomfortable with what you and Hatori have to do in the play?"

And bingo was his name-o. As Tohru repeatedly hit her forehead against her desk, Kyou turned angry eyes towards Yuki who, unbeknownst to the other two, had been listening to their entire conversation. The prince of Kaibara sat at his desk, his face cupped by his hand as he leant against his elbow that was propped up. "That was my next guess!" Kyou growled, his hand clenching into a fist.

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Baka neko," He muttered to himself as he stood to walk over beside Tohru, "Honda-san, you really don't have to do this. Just tell Nii-san that you don't want to be in his play. It's that simple."

Tohru immediately looked up into Yuki's face, her cerulean eyes wide as her head shook vigorously. "I can't! Ayame-san is counting on me, and he seemed so happy when I agreed to be in the play. I just…I just…"

"She's never kissed anyone."

The three turned towards Tohru's two best friends, Arisa Uotani and Saki Hanajima, as they came to join the small group that had gathered around Tohru's desk. At this point the onigiri's face was absolutely redder then reddest of apples.

"To think…our precious Tohru-kun has to surrender her lip's virginity so soon," Saki said softly.

"Don't say it like that!" Kyou nearly shouted, his cheeks taking on a red tint as well.

It was then and only then Tohru felt a wave of discouragement strike her square in the chest. "I...can't do it. I just can't!" She squeaked before covering her mouth and closing her eyes against the tears that had formed.

"Of course you can," Arisa encouraged, as she lent downwards to capture Tohru in a hug, "besides, everyone's gotta make-out sooner or later, right?"

Whilst Yuki twitched, Kyou felt his anger level rise to the point of no return, and thus, unfortunately, the neko shouted for the whole classroom and beyond to hear: "SHE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE-OUT WITH HATORI!"

_Crash! _

All eyes, including the students who weren't involved with Tohru's little issue, turned towards the front of the room where it would have appeared Mayuko Shiraki, their teacher, had dropped her coffee mug. Her eyes were widened, save for the fact that one was twitching, as she stared at Tohru in absolute disbelief. This wasn't true—her ears were surely playing a trick on her! 16-year-old Honda Tohru was NOT going to make-out with 27-year-old Sohma Hatori. To think, her own student making out with the one person she... "What are you all staring at?!" She snapped, her students immediately averting their gazes elsewhere.

"You really are an idiot!" Yuki hissed in a whisper, removing his hand from Kyou's mouth were it had come to clasp.

"Whoa, what's up with Mayuko-sensei? She's all red," Arisa observed with a raised eyebrow.

"I sense multiple distressed waves," Saki stated to herself, though pitched her voice loud enough for the others to hear as well.

As the four continued to talk amongst themselves, and Mayuko fall prey to a state of denial, they'd all failed to realize one important detail: Tohru had left the room.

XXxX

"What's with the long face, Tori-san? You should be rejoicing! It's not everyday you are selected for a lead role in a play, you know," Ayame laughed wholeheartedly, as his gaze came to rest onto the Sohma doctor who stood, arms folded across his chest, against the far wall of the back room.

The dragon stared, no glared at the snake icily. "You do realize, Ayame, that I'm not going to go through with you and Shigure's nonsense."

Ayame looked hurt, although wasn't, and stood from his seated position. He managed to capture his hair in a swift movement of his hand and tie the long silver strands in a twist-like fashion with the pencil he'd been writing with. "You don't mean that, do you? Why, I spent many a night working on that play! It would be completely and utterly ridiculous to throw it all away just because you're afraid to seize Tohru-kun's lips in a sweet kiss!"

Hatori sighed deeply. How in Akito's name did he manage to put up with this man? One would have thought after all the years of babysitting his two high-maintenance cousins that he would have developed some sort of nervous… Oh gods! Had he just _twitched_? No, no. That, mind you, was an involuntary spasm of his upper right half. "It's not appropriate, and I know that you are well aware of that."

"Oh-ho-ho! I beg to differ. Have you not been to the theater lately? Why, kissing is all the rage! Honestly, how could you have failed to notice that? Are you blind, Tori-san?"

"In one eye, yes."

The serpent felt an icy hand squeeze him. Okay, maybe that wasn't the best thing to ask him. Nevertheless Ayame tapped a slender finger onto his lips. "In any case you have yet to strike me as what one would call a pedophile, Tori-san," The silver-haired man grinned, but soon fell short of his previous statement, "that is…unless small children arouse you?"

"Ayame, enough. If you keep making absurd comments like those I assure you I won't have anything to do with you at all," Hatori remarked coldly.

It was Ayame's turn to sigh as he turned his back on the doctor, his shoulders somewhat slumping. "If you really aren't comfortable with the situation then you may give up your position," He said gently in the rare, serious voice he surprisingly possessed.

Hatori felt the brinks of guilt brush against him. Sure, the idea of Tohru and himself kissing was ill fitted, but Ayame _had _worked hard, and that was reason enough for the olive-eyed man to cave in (as he always seemed to do when Ayame acted normally). "I'll think about it, alright?"

"C'est Magnifique!" The snake chorused in a foreign tongue, his eyes large with pure excitement as he turned and wrapped his arms around the tall man's neck. "I knew you'd change your mind, Tori-san!"

_I don't recall changing my mind_… Hatori thought within the realm of his mind, as he remained stiff in Ayame's embrace.

What in Akito's name had he gotten himself into?

**-To Be Continued-**

**Author's Note: **Aaaaand I update! xD; Yesh! It's been far too long, but school really does eat people alive you know. Short chapter, yes, but the next chapter will be longer! Reviews are melted over! –G-chan.


	3. All is Revealed

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Fruits Basket characters, mmkay?

**Warning(s): **Light romance, but nothing too severe at all. You just also might die laughing as well.

**Summary: **In an attempt to bring the Sohmas closer together Ayame organizes a play. What the snake doesn't realize is that Hatori isn't exactly a cowboy, Tohru's never passionately kissed anyone, and what's this of Yuki and Kyou fighting to the death? Read along and join in the madness!

"**Sohma Theater: A Western Tale"**

**Chapter Three: All is Revealed**

_Written by UnspokenDreams_

"I didn't even know this place existed."

"Not many do, I'm afraid. However, the point is that it's here and available for our use. Gather round my dearest relations!"

The small group consisting of: Kyou, Ayame, Yuki, Tohru, Hiro, Kisa, and Kagura all gathered around to view the large structure before their eyes. "I agree with you, my darling," Kagura cooed as she gave Kyou a tight squeeze, "I've lived here all my life, and I was never once aware that we had a theater."

"Get offa me!"

"Awww, Kyou-kun's shy!"

"There will be plenty opportunity for romance in the play you two," Ayame began with a wink before returning his golden gaze to rest on the building that was to house his splendid performance. "This theater has been embedded onto the Sohma grounds for generations! Unfortunately, due to its location, it's hardly recognizable as the edifice that once hosted traditional presentations. Seeing as it is on the Sohma foundation it strictly belongs to us. Remarkable, yes?"

Regrettably, Hiro wasn't at all fazed by his older cousin's explanation. "Hey, if I'd wanted to know history I would have stayed home and watched the history channel. This is boring," he complained with his usual belligerent attitude.

The strawberry-blonde that stood beside him softly touched his shoulder. "Hiro-chan, that's not a very nice thing to say."

"Fear not, my dearest Kisa-chan! For Hiro-kun's cantankerous demeanor only fuels my ambitious passion to succeed! Shall we go inside, then?" The snake grinned, as he opened the door to the theater and allowed everyone to enter before he closed to the door behind him.

"It's so big!"

"Uwah, it's amazing!"

"It's…_filthy_."

"Ah-hah-hah! But of course Kyon-kichi has to say something negative, yes?" Ayame grinned genuinely as his slender fingers found the light switches. "Once the others arrive from their daily tasks I can reveal the rest of your parts, which I'm sure you're absolutely dying to know!"

"Nii-san..." Yuki sighed, "don't you think you're taking this a little too far?"

Good question, bad idea. Ayame's golden eyes seemed to burn with an intense inquisitiveness as the snake gazed at his younger sibling. "My dearest Yuki, your words, though precious, addle me. Perhaps once I announce your role your approach on the matter will change," He assured himself with an airy laugh, "let's not be what you young people call 'emo', now."

"What the hell?!" Kyou barked (which is a little strange due to the fact that he turns into a cat, ladies and gentlemen).

Kisa, in her sweet innocence, found herself puzzled. "Ayame-ojisan? What does…'emo' mean?"

Whilst Kagura suppressed a fit of inevitable giggles, Ayame affectionately ruffed the tigress's hair. "Ask Tori-san the next time you see him, Kisa-chan."

At the mention of the Sohma physician Tohru felt her face warm with an automatic blush. Sadly, the poor girl had yet to fully grasp the concept that the two of them would be sharing a kiss. Arisa had suggested she practice with mirror or pillow first, and Saki had spoken of something regarding Hatori's waves or what not. Tohru was grateful for her dear friend's advice, yes, but she had yet to find the strength to go along with it.

Noticing Tohru's abrupt change in attitude, Ayame approached the brunette and whispered words of comfort into her ear. "Not to worry, Tohru-kun. For the sake of your and Tori-san's dignity I shall reserve all lip-locking scenes for later. I'm sure you'll be excited to hear that I've begun in making your costume."

Tohru blinked, smiled and momentarily forgot her predicament. Ayame's outfits were breathtaking to say the least, and the thought of her wearing one once more was enough to make her squeal a little, which she did shortly afterwards.

The door to the theater opened and all eyes turned to watch as Hatori, Hatsuharu, and Momiji walked in.

"Guten tag!" Momiji piped cheerfully and, upon seeing Tohru, the blonde boy immediately wrapped his arms around her. The Sohmas didn't seem to mind the colored cloud of smoke from the transformation considering they were used to it.

"Tori-san and friends! It's a pleasure to have you all," Ayame welcomed with a clap of his hands.

Unfortunately, Hatori was not in what one would call a 'good' mood. In fact, the poor dragon was quite irked. That entire morning he'd rushed about due to the fact that Akito wasn't well (more importantly in poor health) and the Sohma god made sure to keep the doctor tightly wrapped around his finger. "I don't have much time, Ayame, so if you're going to make some announcements I'll ask that you make them brief."

Ayame had politely waited for Momiji to retake his human form and dress before he gathered his dear cast together and centered himself before them. "As you all are aware the lead roles have graciously been given to Tori-san and Tohru-kun. Nevertheless, I will now open the door to your aspiring debuts."

"Just get on with it," Hiro muttered.

"The role of Jonathon, the charming brother of Anabell, will be played by my dearest and only younger brother, Yuki," Ayame applauded as the gray-haired youth beside him cringed. "The antagonistic character, Blazing Bill, has been, after careful consideration on my part, awarded to Kyon-kichi."

"How come I have to play the bad guy?!"

"I always did love a bad boy," Kagura purred as her gray eyes sparkled.

"Now, now. Save all questions, comments and concerns for the end of my proclamation. Kagura, my dear, you shall be granted the part of Cindy, seeing that you're a _headstrong_ young woman," Ayame laughed as the boar tilted her head in confusion but laughed for the heck of it. "As for the two of you," The seamstress smiled at Hiro and Kisa, "the two of you will play Peanut and Slingshot, the local children who Anabell holds dear."

Kisa, overjoyed to be involved in the play in general, nodded and Hiro, rolling his eyes, crossed his arms and looked elsewhere.

"What about me, what about meee?" Momiji sang, the fingers of his left hand laced with Tohru's and his free arm waving up and down in unrestrained excitement.

"Not to worry, Momiji. I have several roles for you in store," Ayame answered cheerfully.

Hatori impatiently stole a glance at his watch. "Is that all?"

"Hold your horses, Tori-san! Ah, that reminds me. Unfortunately, Rin, being the person that she is, made it clear that she doesn't want anything to do with this play. It's a shame, really. Her zodiac form could have proved most useful. But one mustn't look on the downfall of things, right?" The snake's eyes flashed as he looked to the bi-color haired teen himself, Hatsuharu.

Momiji seemed to catch on. "Oooh! You want to use Haru's zodiac form, don't you?"

"Precisely!" Ayame beamed.

Hiro had the strongest urge to shout 'Why are you so weird?!' to his older relative, but the boy was cut short of his plan as a voice spoke.

"Will Yuki get to ride me?" Haru asked blankly.

Both Kagura and Tohru blushed (because we all know that Tohru is secretly a yaoi-hungry fangirl), and Yuki's hand clenched into a fist. "Haru…" He growled, the ox tilting his head.

Resisting the urge to massage his throbbing temples, Hatori was somewhat surprised to feel something, or rather someone, tugging at his pants. Olive met exotic-colored eyes as the dragon found Kisa looking up at him.

"Hatori-ojisan?"

"Yes, Kisa?"

"What does emo mean?"

"…"

XXxX

"Hey, Honda, can you come here for a minute?"

Blinking, Tohru gathered her books and quickly put them into her bag, the faint traces of the bell's ring still floating about the classroom, which had completely cleared. "Ah, yes, Mayuko-sensei?" She replied sweetly as she approached her teacher's desk.

Mayuko nervously fidgeted, but she still remained calm despite her nearly shot nerves. "Is it alright if we have a talk?"

Tohru's blue eyes widened to the size of dishpans. "Is it about my tuition? I-I promise I'll get it paid by the end of the month! Really!"

The teacher frowned as she shook her head. "Oh, no it's fine. Don't worry about that. I just wanted to ask you..."

This was not going to be easy.

Somewhat relieved that the matter was money-related, Tohru smiled. "Ask me what?"

Normally Mayuko found the brunette's optimism comforting, but the way she was currently projecting happiness all over the place annoyed her. "Um, well, how's life?"

"It's wonderful!"

Typical Tohru answer. "Any…recent relationships?"

Blink, blink.

"…with someone you like?"

Blink, blink, blink.

"Do you have a boyfriend?!" Mayuko finally asked, a little aspirated.

"AH! NO! NO, NO, NO!"

A little embarrassed of her outburst, the teacher looked away to gather her previously lost composure. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business."

Tohru opened her mouth to say that it was quite all right, but something most ironically coincidental caught her eyes. There was a picture sticking out from beneath Mayuko's folders and books, and not just any picture for that matter.

Raising an eyebrow, Mayu followed Tohru's gaze to the same picture. Having known her feelings like the back of his hand Shigure had recently brought in a picture of Hatori to give to her as a gift, or so he'd proclaimed. His words clearly echoed through her head, causing the teacher to cringe in annoyance.

"_I figured since you currently can't reveal your hidden emotions for him, you could talk to this picture of him instead. Genius, isn't it? No need to thank me, Mayu-chan."_

Mayuko looked back into Tohru's face only to see the teen blushing and suddenly more nervous then her previous state of being.

"Mayuko-sensei…you know Hatori-san?"

Well, she knew Shigure, and that itself was reason to be acquainted with the Sohma physician.

"I do," The older female replied curtly.

"I…I have to go!" Tohru squeaked as she bowed, turned and quickly left the room.

Did this mean Kyou's words were of a true nature? No, it couldn't be! Did Tohru really share a relationship with Hatori? The mere thought was enough to make Mayuko cringe. Wasn't that just a bit on the illegal side of things? Perhaps a little chat with the doctor was needed.

XXxX

"Shigure? Tell me about this 'play' that's to go on."

A laugh and then, "I think you'll find it most amusing, Akito."

**-To Be Continued-**

**Author's Notes: **HO'SNAP. Akito's involved! Dun, dun, DUUUUUUN! XD Meep! Hiya folks. I hope you enjoyed this edition of Sohma Theater. I'm really, really happy with the amount of reviews I've gotten. I mean, dude, it's only three chapters, heehee. I heart you guys soooo much. X3 In any case, haha, I see it fit to warn my precious readers that the next chapter, well, let's just say it's worth warning about. Things to be aware of: Fluff, COUGHboyskissingCOUGH, and more funny scenes! Hmm, what to end with, what to end with… AH! Cotton-eyed Joe makes me smile. Period. End of story. Goodbye. –G-chan.


	4. OhMyAkito!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Fruits Basket characters, mmkay?

**Warning(s): **UPDATED, please read, kthxbai! Zomg, okay, there will be some shounen ai-ish stuff here, but nothing _too _severe, I promise! XD Oh, and one more thing, Akito is FEMALE here. Get it? Got it? Good!

**Summary: **In an attempt to bring the Sohmas closer together Ayame organizes a play. What the snake doesn't realize is that Hatori isn't exactly a cowboy, Tohru's never passionately kissed anyone, and what's this of Yuki and Kyou fighting to the death? Read along and join in the madness!

"**Sohma Theater: A Western Tale"**

**Chapter Four: Oh…My…Akito!**

_Written by UnspokenDreams_

_-Beep- _Hello. You've reached Sohma Hatori. Regrettably, I'm unable to take your call. I ask that you leave your name and number and I will see to it that your call is returned as soon as I am able to do so. If this so happens to be Shigure or Ayame… the answer is no. _–Beep-_

Mayuko nervously bit her lip before taking a deep breath.

"Hi, Hatori-kun, it's Mayuko. I was just calling to see if you had a minute to talk. Call me back when you get this message, bye."

Hanging up the phone and blowing her bangs up, the teacher fell back onto her bed and stared aimlessly up at the ceiling. Why did she care about the Hatori/Tohru situation so much? So what if her crush was dating a high school girl? Wait, what?! As to get her mind off of the pesky situation that had been irking her for the past week or so, Mayuko turned on the television and flipped onto her stomach.

"A seahorse documentary?" She questioned, as though the very idea was absurd, "I guess it's better then nothing."

XXxX

"Ya'll…'bes be movin' along… here?"

"MARVELOUS! Oh, Tori-san, your words make my eyes flood with tears of pure and utter bliss," Ayame cried as he clasped his hands over his mouth dramatically.

Sighing, the Sohma physician disposed of the atrocious grammar-ridden script Ayame had generously given him the day before on the coffee table beside him. "Ayame…"

"No! Don't say it, for your eyes reflect your undying enthusiasm to rehearse. If all goes well our first rehearsal will be scheduled for this Saturday. I trust you won't miss it, correct?" The snake grinned largely, which Hatori found undeniably vexing.

"I can't guarantee I'll be able to stay for long, but I'll stop by for a little while," Hatori replied calmly. The dragon allowed his tea to cool before he reclined into his chair, arms on opposite ends of the table and lying as carelessly as he would permit himself to lay them.

"Splendid! After all, you simply must lay eye on Tohru-kun's beautiful dress! Oh, but I must warn you, precious Tori-san. Do not let your masculine urges proceed forth upon seeing our delicate flower in the magnificent costume I spent many a night making," Ayame warned, a slender finger tapping his cousin's nose in a childish sort of way.

"As I've made evidently clear in the past, Ayame, do not put me on the same level as Shigure."

Ayame crossed his legs femininely and flipped a few silver strands over his shoulder, golden eyes embracing Hatori warmly. "It's true that Gure-san is a man that thinks with his lower region, however, you know what they say about dragons."

The doctor tried with everything to ignore the suggestive wink the seamstress gave him. "Yes, well, keep in mind that I tend to stray away from any set qualities."

Smiling sincerely, Ayame stroked the top of Hatori's hand tenderly, trailing his fingers across the frigid skin in lazy patterns. "Perhaps that's why I admire you so."

XXxX

"How unreasonably pathetic. It makes me sick just thinking about it," a tired voice hissed in the dimly lit room that smelled of sick and medication. In fact, the nauseating scent was strong enough to encase anyone's nostrils in an almost soup-like coating.

Eyes the color of smoke watched his goddess carefully; her piercing teal eyes enough to take his breath away. Shigure was one of the few Akito trusted despite the fact that the dog could be a real pain in the ass sometimes. "You have to give Aya credit though, Akito. His intentions are in the right place, but his mind…" The novelist trailed off to chuckle lightly, "Aya will forever be Aya."

Just the thought of her zodiac enjoying themselves under the blue sky, over the green grass, and through the flower-clad gardens was enough to make Akito want to vomit, but to consider her precious petting zoo in a play? That, mind you, was unacceptable!

"_If _it bothers you so much why don't you put a stop to it?" Shigure challenged, his inner manipulative being making itself known.

Akito clenched her teeth. How she hated that tone of voice. That sweetly sickening purr of a voice that Shigure was so capable of producing. It made her want to his claw his handsome face off, or pull at his raven hair until it was yanked out of the roots. He was teasing her, damnit! "Leave," She sneered coldly before turning her eyes to look elsewhere.

"Oh my," Shigure chided, "Have I been a bad doggy?"

Annoyed beyond all reason, Akito swiftly lifted her hand to plant a slap onto the dog's cheek. Unfortunately, having sensed her act of malice, Shigure caught her delicate wrist in one hand, leaning in to position his mouth an inch or so away from his goddess's ear.

"Now, now. What harm can a play possibly do?"

Akito shivered from the pleasant sensation Shigure had granted her, her wrist having gone limp within his grasp, as a somewhat noncommittal noise proceeded from her throat. "I hate you," She muttered childishly.

Grinning, the yukata-clad man released her wrist and patted her head. "Do you now?"

Yes, Akito hadn't smacked him, but Shigure suddenly wished she had when he found a pillow shoved in his face.

XXxX

_What's taking so long?_

_It's been more then twenty minutes!_

_Is she okay?_

_What the hell is going on back there!_

"I can assure the both of you that Honda-kun is safe," Hatori stated dully as both Yuki and Kyou blushed and turned to glare at their older relative.

"Where did you come from?!" They demanded in an unplanned unison.

Hatori feigned surprise. "Didn't you know? I live nearby, and I was instructed to attend this so called 'rehearsal' today." Yes, even the ever-stoic Hatori Sohma could be sarcastic. He _was _human after all.

To say that Yuki and Kyou felt stupid after Hatori's remark was a complete and utter understatement. "Shut up, Hatori!" Kyou growled threateningly, his hackles raising a considerable amount.

Hatori hid his amusement behind his business-like stare and merely proceeded down the aisle of seats that provided a place to wait for the members of the family who had arrived to rehearse. Kisa and Hiro sat a ways down from Yuki and Kyou, who claimed they hadn't sat in the same row together on purpose, and Momiji and Haru stood in the back. Kagura had yet to arrive, which Kyou was thankful for, but what irritated the neko more was the sight of the frantic man that continued to pace near the stage, occasionally glancing at his watch-less wrist for comfort.

"Mine, dear, can you please hurry? We don't have much time to loose!" He called, his voice echoing through the folds of the large structure.

"Just another minute, boss!" A sweet voice replied from behind the long, burgundy curtains.

And, true enough, after the short period of a minute Mine, Ayame's dearest assistant and unsaid girlfriend, walked onto the center of the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen!" She announced with a smile, "it gives me great pleasure to introduce the star of your play, Tohru Honda-san!"

Ayame broke out into a wild applaud, as the others, not wanting to offend the snake, did the same, save for Hiro was just too 'cool' to clap, ya know?

Mine's brown eyes quickly darted offstage where a soft voice had called to her and, smiling nervously to the small crowd in the audience, she quickly hurried over to the large curtain to se what the matter was.

"Awww, don't be shy, Tohru-chan. You look good enough to eat! Come on," Mine's voice could be heard coaxing the alleged Tohru who simply refused to show the others her costume as of that point in time. However, with a little more encouraging, the brunette slowly walked across the wooden surface of the stage, her small feet clumsily quivering in unfamiliar heels.

"Oh…" Yuki began.

"My…" Kyou continued.

"Akito…" Hiro finished.

Surely this wasn't the same innocent girl that tripped over a cordless phone, or the same motherly female who dumbly stared at the air in a daze?! She looked like a… whore. Well, her costume looked like a whore's outfit anyway. Perhaps it was the way her fishnet stockings clung to her luscious legs, or maybe even the shocking fact that she had breasts, which were quite revealing to say the least with the outfit.

Momiji, lost in his childish innocence, cheered. "You look great, Tohru!"

"And hot," Haru concurred plainly.

Whilst Yuki turned his back on the scene, constantly reminding himself that Tohru was innocent; Kyou felt something warm trail over his lips. Upon wiping at the warm liquid the orange-top was shocked to identify it as blood. Great, just great, a nosebleed would only support the evidence of his attraction towards little Miss Tohru.

"What a beautiful creature!" Ayame fussed as he hurried on stage to stand beside his star, "Oh, but here. Let me fix this for you!" He offered and, with his 'no shame' policy, he began to adjust Tohru's chest so it fit _properly. _

"Ayame…" Hatori began in a mixture of both embarrassment and aggravation, "I don't think Honda-kun appreciates that."

Ayame blinked. "Would you care to do it, Tori-san?" he inquired innocently.

Now, Hatori was a very composed man, but that didn't excuse the unmistakable color that painted his cheeks. He'd seen his fair share of breasts, considering he was indeed a doctor, but come on man! This was Honda Tohru, the forbidden fruit! For the love of Akito, if he kept staring he would probably be in the same situation as Kyou. Fortunate for Hatori his cell phone signaled a message and, using that as an excuse to leave the theater for a moment's time, the dragon discreetly walked up the aisle leading to the large doors and stepped outside.

"A-Ayame-san," Tohru's lips trembled, "can I ask you something?"

Ayame blinked. "Of course! Ask away, Tohru-kun. Let your mind indulge in the impulsive inquiries you desire to ask upon me!"

So as the others wouldn't hear her, Tohru leant in and whispered a few words into the snake's ear.

Ayame nodded and, being unable to whisper in general, he replied softly. "Not to worry, dearest. That's natural! It's supposed to feel like that. Now then!" he paused from his private conversation with the brunette to address his cherished audience, "let's get started!"

XXxX

-Beep- Hey there. You've reached Shiraki Mayuko. I'm not here, as you can tell, and I'm probably doing something more important then talking to you. Leave a message and I'll call you back. If this is Shigure-kun, DROP DEAD! –Beep-

Hatori smiled against the receiver of his cell phone. Typical, typical Mayuko.

"Hello, Shiraki-kun. I just got your message, and I apologize for taking so long to respond. I'm sure you left it on my phone a few days ago. Work has, yet again, kept me busy. I have some time on my hands this evening, and I'll be more then willing to talk to you in regards to your phone call. Talk to you soon, goodbye."

**-To Be Continued- **

**Author's Notes: **Teehee! Another chapter. Uwah folks, freekon' UWAH! X3 I love the way this story is developing and, merr, m'sorry for the shortness of the chapter, but it's better to update then to not update at all, ne? Yes, I did mention something in my last chapter about boys kissing but I've decided to move that for another chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, though! I must say –giggle- it _is _hilarious to think of everyone gawking at poor Tohru like ZOMG SHE HAS A CHEST. As for her outfit, well, think of the smuttiest saloon girl outfit ever! Much love, MUAH! –G-chan.


	5. Sick as a Seahorse

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Fruits Basket characters, mmkay?

**Warning(s): AKJLDSFJSDF!** Did I get your attention? XD Anyways, chyeah, in this chapter there are fwuffy widdle moments with Hatori and Tohru, but unfortunately for all you Pervy McPervertons out there, nothing happens between them. XP …or _does _something happen? –winkwinknudgenudge-

**Summary: **In an attempt to bring the Sohmas closer together Ayame organizes a play. What the snake doesn't realize is that Hatori isn't exactly a cowboy, Tohru's never passionately kissed anyone, and what's this of Yuki and Kyou fighting to the death? Read along and join in the madness!

**Author's Note (UPDATED): **Mmkay, a lot of people have been asking what specific pairings are involved in this and, well, it's hard to say. There's a little bit of everything involved in the mix, ya know? ToriRu, ToriYuko, AyamexHatori, ShigurexAyame, KyouRu, YukiRu, KaguraxKyou, etc… See? It's unpredictable –grins- and things are just gunna get crazier, yo'.

"**Sohma Theater: A Western Tale"**

**Chapter Five: Sick as a Seahorse!**

_Written by UnspokenDreams_

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Wincing, Shigure pulled the phone away from his throbbing ear, considering he'd nearly gone deaf, and once he regained his hearing, the novelist spoke into the house phone to try and soothe the frantic male on the other line. "She's sick, Aya. I suppose, yet again, she's pushed herself and the result is a fever. Not to worry though. Haa-san's going to come over later and give her a look over to make sure everything is in order."

Ayame sighed deeply, slender fingers tangling in his silken hair as he nervously chewed on a knuckle. There had been a few rehearsals, which, in fact, had done well for the play's health; however, opening night was less then three weeks away, and his star, poor Tohru, was ill! Oh, the inhumanity! The mere thought of the matter was enough to give Ayame split ends. "I see," he replied softly, "I'll come over as well. After all, I must see to it that she recovers completely!"

"If you say so. Just try and calm down, all right? We wouldn't want you to drive yourself into a fever as well, Aya," Shigure stated considerately, truly hoping that his flamboyant cousin wouldn't end up consumed by his nerves and anxiety.

"Oh, Gure-san, you're so accommodating. What would I do without you, my love?"

"Not much, I'm afraid. Well, I'm going to go check on Tohru-kun. I'll see you later."

"Farewell, then."

XXxX

_It's no big deal. Just knock on the door, ask her how she's feeling, and then walk away. No sweat…_

Pacing nervously outside of Tohru's room, Kyou came to an abrupt halt and tried to center himself. Like everyone else, he was worried about the rice ball's health. The last time she had fallen ill he had made her some leek soup, and received a _lovely _punch from Yuki for taking the leeks from his garden, but that didn't matter. All that the neko cared about was seeing to it that Tohru recovered quickly. With a nod of determination, Kyou knocked on the shoji door and spoke gently. "Hey, Tohru, you okay in there?"

It took a few minutes but, sure enough, a quiet voice replied with a hoarse, "Kyou-kun?"

Taking this as an approval to enter, Kyou slid open the door and walked within the room, sliding the door closed behind him. The poor girl looked terrible. Her normally lively cerulean eyes were at a half-open state, fighting to stay open, and her face was dreadfully pale. The elaborate covers of her bed sheets were pulled to rest at her neck while her bangs kissed her forehead in perspiration of the fever she had tried to avoid. Kyou immediately felt his insides grow cold. Nevertheless, even through sickness, Tohru managed to smile and sit up to fully view her guest.

"Do you need something?" She inquired weakly.

_There she goes again…always thinking of others. Damnit, Tohru!_

"I don't need anything. You're the one who needs something. You need rest!" He fussed before approaching her beside, hands outstretched to rest at either one of her shoulders.

Tohru's fever-induced blush darkened several shades at this. "Ky-Kyou-kun?"

"Look, how many times do I have to tell you? When you push yourself too hard, crap like this happens! When are you going to learn to just take things easy and stop worrying about everyone but yourself?" Kyou asked, lightly shaking her shoulders to emphasize his point.

"I, uh, I'm sorry!" She squeaked helplessly.

Of course Kyou wasn't satisfied, but nevertheless he released her small shoulders and ran a hand through his tousled orange locks irritably. Tohru was sick, and he was being a jerk. What the hell was the matter with him anyway? Getting all worked up like a cat on catnip, sheesh! "Don't apologize. Just get some rest. Call me if you need anything or whatever," He grumbled, exotic-colored eyes briefly darting to the brunette before he began for the door until something, or rather someone, bumped into him.

"Checking on Honda-kun I see, Kyou?"

Leave it to Hatori to make you babble like an idiot in front of your crush. "So what if I was?! You gunna do something about it?" The neko challenged, glaring at the tall man that had walked into Tohru's domain dressed in the doctor's coat he wore on call and holding a bag in his hand. Giving a final 'hmph!' for emphasis, Kyou left the dragon and rice ball alone and stomped off to his room.

Hatori chose to ignore the teen's outburst and instead turned his full attention on the girl who had been watching the both of them with wide, fever-glazed eyes. "How are you feeling?" He asked not in the perspective of a doctor, which he clearly was, but in the tone of a concerned friend.

"Oh, I'm fine, thank you. I guess I just over-worked myself again," She answered nervously, cerulean hues gazing into her lap as she tried desperately to kick her anxiety.

Hatori nodded, quiet familiar with the explanation, and proceeded to examine her. After which, he gathered his things and had an intention of leaving; however, Tohru's voice caught his ears and attention before he could do so.

"Hatori-san? Are you all right? I-I mean it's probably none of my business, but I noticed that you kept rubbing your shoulder and—AH! I w-wasn't staring or anything, because I know that's rude," Tohru rambled, her fingers twisting amongst themselves.

Allowing a rare smile to grace his features, Hatori, having sat on the edge of her bed whilst examining her, gazed at her through weary olive eyes. Her words were true nevertheless. He had, whether he himself noticed or not, occasionally rubbed at his shoulder, but that was only because of a dull pain that had targeted the upper arm area. "I suppose I slept on it wrong, but it isn't anything you should worry about. What I want you to focus on is getting well. It would be a shame if the lead role of Ayame's play was ill for her debut," He replied, amusement coating his words.

Yeah, no, this definitely wasn't cool and Tohru, knowing this, immediately felt herself fall into mother-mode. Without even asking, seeing as the act was born from an impulse she couldn't deny, the brunette sat onto her knees and gently brought her small hands to Hatori's shoulder. Gradually, she began to massage the tender area, slender fingers working the skin and muscle gingerly.

Surprised, Hatori felt his eyes widen slightly. Well, this was…inappropriate. He opened his mouth to speak, but Tohru's voice beat him to it.

"I used to do this to my mom when she came home sore from work. She always told me, 'Tohru! You always get the kink out of my muscles'", She smiled sweetly.

The last time someone had performed an act similar to the one Tohru was performing was when Kana had been involved in his life, but even then the dragon had been chary. Now, however, he felt slightly more comfortable. Perhaps it was because Tohru and Kana were two very different people with two very different situations. Ah, well, did it matter? "I can imagine why your mother enjoyed this, Honda-kun. It's very relaxing," Hatori stated as his eyes closed lightly. Goodness, if she kept this up he'd fall asleep!

XXxX

"Do you think she'll pull through, Gure-san?"

"Aya, it's a cold. Chances are she'll recover in a few days."

Frantic golden eyes stole a glance at the man who was walking beside them as they made their way up the stairs in hopes to visit the poor girl who, in the snake's mind, was dying of an incurable illness and had just been given a few hours to live. At noticing his cousin's worried conduct, Shigure gave his pretty silver head a pat and smiled reassuringly. "I'm sure she's fast asleep dreaming of the play."

"But of course she is!" Ayame fussed as they began down the hall towards Tohru's room, "who wouldn't be? Why, such a play requires only but the sweetest of dreams, mind you, and that itself is a privilege that only the members of my dear cast can obtain!"

Shigure sighed and shook his head, a fist ready to knock on Tohru's door, but the sounds of two familiar voices kept him from doing so.

"How does it feel, Hatori-san? Do you need me to go lower?"

"If you wouldn't mind, Honda-kun."

A giggle and then, "You're really stiff."

Two very wide pairs of eyes exchanged glances as both Shigure and Ayame stepped away from the door. What in Akito's name was going on in there?! "They're not…" Ayame exhaled as he clasped a hand over his mouth.

"I think they are," Shigure replied just as surprised as Ayame.

"I don't want to hurt you, so tell me if I'm squeezing too hard," Tohru's voice continued.

"You're not hurting me. If anything what you're doing is aiding me along," Hatori's voice replied.

Shigure nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Ayame's hand firmly grasp his wrist. Turning, he met with eyes that nearly burned with the intensity of a thousand suns. "We can't let this go on, Gure-san!" Ayame hissed like the snake he was, "Tohru-kun's innocence depends on it! We cannot just simply observe with eager ears as the poor girl is taken prisoner by Tori-san's needs. We must take action!"

"You're absolutely right, but I must say it's a little shocking for Haa-san to get, as the young ones say, 'freaky', you know? Has he been getting enough sleep?"

"Probably not. The time to act is now! Are you with me, Gure-san?"

"All the way, Aya, let's move!"

And with that established, Ayame threw open the door and charged into the room forcefully. "Stop! Tohru-kun, get yours hands off of Tori-san's—"

"KYAAAAH!!!"

_POOF!_

"Oh dear…"

Tohru, scared out of her wits, had fallen onto Hatori who, not surprisingly, transformed. Talk about a cliché. Currently the poor girl was on the floor, having fallen off when Hatori's human form had disappeared, as she gazed up at the other two with confused eyes. "Ayame-san? Shigure-san?"

Not at all discouraged, Ayame marched over as to where the struggling seahorse lay and, not using even the faintest amounts of care, he picked up the small creature by the tail and held it up to his viewings, shaking the poor thing slightly. "Tori-san! How could you?! To think, a composed man such as yourself would take advantage of a helpless high school girl. Shame on you!"

"Aya, I don't think Haa-san was—"

"Do not try and defend this lecherous man, Gure-san, for words cannot excuse him of his perverse act!"

"Eh?! Oh, no, Ayame-san! I was just giving him a shoulder massage, really! We weren't, I mean he wasn't, I…I…" Tohru struggled to say, but a mixture of her rising fever and involvement in the mass confusion caused the teen to black out and tip over onto the wooden floorboards in a faint.

Shigure observed the scene through perplexed gray eyes. "Well," He sighed, "this is certainly inspiring. Aya, why don't you find Haa-san some water while I help Tohru-kun back into bed? I think she's had far too much excitement for one day."

XXxX

Annoyed, ashamed of his cousin's rash behavior, and stiffly allowing Shigure to towel off his hair, Hatori sat within the living area of the dog's residence slowly sipping his tea. "It…could have been worse," Shigure attempted at conversation pathetically, the novelist finishing up on the task of drying his cousin's hair.

"…"

"Oh, c'mon Haa-san! It was a mistake. You know you probably would have barged into a room upon hearing the things Aya and I heard while standing outside."

"…"

Shigure sighed deeply. Obviously Hatori was angry with him and, well, he supposed he deserved it, but really! He couldn't stay mad at him forever. The dog thought for a moment and, having thought of an idea to make Hatori talk, he absent-mindedly raked his fingers through the dragon's hair. "You're mean." Oh, yeah, like that would get him to ta—

"And you're an idiot."

Shigure blinked his eyes wide. Well, jeebus Ha'ri! Pouting, the dog draped himself over Hatori like an overgrown rug, his arms wrapping around the provided broad shoulders like a determined vine. "Must you be so cold?"

"Shigure, I'm going to ask you nicely, and after which I cannot guarantee your safety if you fail to comply. Get off of me. _Now_," Hatori ordered icily, green eyes glaring at the childish man.

"No, I don't think I will," Shigure challenged with a charming smile, nuzzling the doctor's cheek with his own, "Why would I get off?"

"Because I'm going to severely injure you if you don't."

"Does Haa-san not like yaoi?"

"…_What _is 'yaoi'"?

Shigure could have very well told him the term that sent most teenage girls into a fit of squealing; however, the novelist merely broke into a fit of hyena-like laughter as he pulled away to prop his arms against the table, where he continued to die of amusement.

Hatori, failing to see the humor in his previous inquiry, merely continued sipping his tea. Maybe he'd Google the strange word later when he returned to the Main House.

**-To Be Continued-**

**Author's Note: **Whew! XD This chapter was…_interesting _to say the least, ne? Heehee. Oh! If you failed to read the author's note located at the top of this chapter, I ask that you please scroll back up and read it. It answers some questions that I've received. Anyway, yes, poor Hatori and his not-knowing-ness of teh yaoi. Heehee. The next chapter will be strictly devoted to rehearsing the play, mwahahah! Reviews are nutritious and delicious for the writer's health, so please do! Luvvles, G-chan.


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